A friend of mine — a guy who used to occasionally step out on his woman and hook up with other girls — had the strangest theory about the female species. “Women don’t cheat,” he told me, when I asked if he was ever worried she was doing the same thing to him. “It’s just not in their nature.” I laughed.
Of course, I wasn’t surprised when he found out she’d been two-timing him for most of their relationship, after their inevitable breakup, but he was completely shocked. There are many things that men don’t know about women, mainly because we don’t want them to know, so we try and keep them hidden really well.
But during my two-and-a-half years of interviewing countless women, I discovered that there are many, many more things that we ladies keep secret from men.
1. We masturbate, whether you’re home or not.
As soon as we’re alone in the house — husband leaves for the office, kids go to school, roommate goes out of town — and we have quality free time knowing no one is going to walk in on us, we masturbate. Sometimes we even just do it if you’re still in the house if that quality free time is never going to come. Usually, it’s while we’re in the bathroom.
2. A good majority of us prefer to pee outside.
And in the shower. And sometimes we really just want to do it in the hot tub, but we try to not do that out of respect for everyone else in there.
3. We pluck stray hairs from everywhere on our bodies.
From our toes, our chin, our lips, moles on the backs of our legs and our nipples. And we really, really enjoy plucking a stubborn ingrown hair. Getting that sucker out is, for some gross reason, such sweet satisfaction.