Back when I actually used to date guys seriously, there was one guy I had dated that really was unique in my mind. We’ll call him John. He was charming, handsome, and had been gifted a tongue made of pure silver.
With those qualities, he always had a knack for getting me to lend him money, have sex with him, and just tolerate bad behavior. However, whenever I needed something, he would disappear.
Though I loved John, I eventually realized he didn’t love me. He just loved using me. If you are asking yourself “Is he using me?” and want to avoid dating your own version of him, keep an eye out for these signs.
1. At first, he was really generous but now, you’re always footing the bill for everything.
I had this happen with both John and one other guy. Both times, “I’ll pay you back” turned into “Well, things are still tight. Why are you so stingy?” I eventually realized that they did this on purpose so that they could gain me to trust them enough to basically let them mooch off of me.
2. You’re always helping him out but he makes you seem unreasonable when you ask for even the smallest thing.
This is just a bad dynamic all-around. If you literally have to beg, plead, and try to “sell” the idea of a guy being there for you, you need to leave him and cut him off. Why bother with helping him out if he’s unwilling to do the same for you?
3. He’s very charming — to the point that it’s hard to say no to him.
John would probably make a killing if he was a salesman. Most guys who use girls for money, sex, or connections really flex their charm muscles because they know people will be more willing to give them things by being charming.
4. He makes a point of making you struggle to keep his attention.
A lot of guys who use girls actually take a sick pleasure in seeing girls chase after them, beg for their attention, and jump through hoops to please them. Make no mistake about it, this kind of behavior is abuse.
5. If you have boundaries, he keeps trying to push them or get you to make an exception for him.
A healthy relationship is one that respects boundaries. If he whines about boundaries or keeps pushing for you to drop one for him, you need to dump him. At best, a guy who does this is disrespectful and is trying to use you to meet his needs. At worst, this indicates he’s an abuser waiting to get you to a point of weakness.