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3 Things To NEVER Say To Your Partner (Unless You Want To Lose Him)


Let’s consider these three things you never say to your partner. (A caveat: I am leaving out obvious things you shouldn’t say — name-calling, lying, threatening, and ultimatums. These are less overtly dramatic but are problematic nonetheless, and I have heard them many times in my therapy office.)

1. “If you loved me, you would…”

When you say this, you are saying that you really want your partner to say or do something. The problem is that your partner can easily say back to you, “Well, if you loved me, you wouldn’t ask me to…”

It is far more “intimacy-inviting” to say, “I am having such a hard time understanding what is keeping you from doing this. The story I am telling myself is that you must not love me very much.”

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