It doesn’t necessarily mean affection has faded.
It’s not rare for a client to confess that their partner no longer says “I love you.” They’ll then express the heart-wrenching pain and the fear that maybe their husband doesn’t love them anymore.
Though our instinct is to move away from the pain by numbing (hello, ice cream!), I know that the best way to begin untangling our shame and pain is to step back and ask ourselves how our partner communicates.
Often, it isn’t that anyone has fallen “out of love”. It’s just that as time passes and we move beyond courtship, people in relationships demonstrate their love with their own preferred love language (or a combination of love languages).
If this scenario sounds familiar, it’s the perfect time to figure out your own — as well as your partner’s.
1. Words of Affirmation
When a client frets that her husband doesn’t send romantic texts or say “I love you,” this clues me in that her love language is affirming words. Hearing or reading words of affection make her feel supported and cared for.
If your spouse’s love language is words, remember that insults are usually taken to heart and a great way to build intimacy is to verbally praise your partner and put notes in his lunch box!
Wasn’t it Elvis who asked for a little less conversation and a lot more action? For some people, actions speak louder than words. Doing tasks like making his lunch and matching up his suits with shirts and ties speak volumes.