4 Ways To Control Your Temper, And STOP Fighting So Much
One common question that couples counselors and family therapists face is, “how much fighting is healthy and normal?”
It’s a tough one to answer, because there is no one set amount of fighting a couple can endure before they start to harm their relationship or marriage.
But one thing is for sure — fighting too much, in a way that causes harm to one or both partners, is not okay.
So, how do you stop arguing with your boyfriend, husband, wife or partner when you know you’re fighting too much?
1. Talk about how you learned about anger as a child.
Choose a time when everything is going well between the two of you to talk about your history with anger or rage.
Everyone learns about managing anger differently. Your partner may have come from an explosive home where people raised voices or even resorted to violence, while you may have been raised in a home of quiet resentment.
Neither of your stories are something to be ashamed of — they are just the experiences you had, that you need to face in order to find a way to manage anger and frustration together.
Listen quietly and with compassion as your partner talks, and communicate that you care about them.
Understand that it might take one or both of you some time to come to terms with how you were raised, and how it influences you today, especially if you’re not used to talking about this type of deep stuff.
So don’t push for too much all at once.
If this is a tough conversation to have, it might be good to enlist the support of a professional like a counselor, therapist, coach or clergy member whom you trust.