There have been a million articles written about why people cheat, but they’re never written by the right people.
Sure, there are some written by people who’ve been cheated on.
And there are a bunch written by people who continue to cheat, excusing their behavior.
But I don’t think I’ve ever read an article about why cheaters cheat written by someone like me — someone who was a cheater most of her life, but has finally broken the cycle for good.
So as a person who has done the hard work — and believe me, it was hard — to heal from a life of infidelity and come out the other side with a deeply happy marriage, I want to bust five popular myths about cheating.
Because if we keep believing these lies, we will just keep cheating.
1. Cheaters don’t really love their partners.
Cheating has nothing to do with love. At least not in most cases.
I loved the people I cheated on more than I could explain, particularly my husband, and I still cheated.
Why? Because cheating and love are totally unrelated.
So, what’s the reality? Most chronic cheaters I know are actually more likely to cheat when they care a lot for someone.
Because loving someone that much is actually terrifying. Cheating is a way of establishing a self-sabotaging boundary around their hearts, or setting up a backup plan in case the person they love dumps them.