8 Things All Couples Can Do To Fix Their ‘Broken’ Relationships
Despite the most terrible of betrayals, the most anguishing of hurtful behaviors, or the most discouraging of disappointments, these subtle but crucial revelations can predict whether or not they can find their way back to the love they once knew. When I see them, no matter how infrequent or indistinct, I know that we can work toward a resolution.
When one partner is speaking, however his or her tone of voice, the other partner is looking and listening to them. Even if there is disagreement, it is evident that what the other has to say is still important. The partners may have a history of interruption, over-talking, dismissing, or minimizing, but will stop those behaviors when I ask them to and redirect their attention to what the other is saying. If I ask either of them to repeat what the other partner has communicated, they genuinely try. When I ask them what they think the other is feeling or meaning, they want to learn to tell me. When either partner begins to cry or can’t talk, the other stops the interaction until that distressed partner can resume. I see that both are capable of stopping their own drives to be the “righteous one” and to remember that there are two of them in the room.
Couples who have lost each other’s trust and support, whether just recently, or over a long period of time, may still show concern when either expresses authentic heartbreak. If they are not able to use soothing words or gestures, especially if being blamed in the moment, they show consideration for their partner’s distress by their body language or facial expression. It is as if they know where the breaking point is and do not want to go there. Compassion rules over dominance when the other partner drops into a genuine place of heartache.