Here are 9 ways to radically accept your husband.
1. Breathe deep and stop.
Miller reminds us all of a crucial life skill. Before reacting, breathe and stop. Think about what you’re going to say to your hubby about that pile of dirty dishes in the sink. Is it another diatribe about how sloppy and unhelpful he is? He may indeed be a pigsty, but he may also be an amazing cook and amazing dad.
Why are you really about to yell? Is it that you had a bad day at work and you can’t take doing another thing? Or are you truly disturbed over the dishes? Breathe and stop. Waiting to react can really save an unnecessary fight from happening.
2. Count to ten.
While this isn’t directly in the book, it’s a step off from taking that moment to stop. There can be a lot of damage done by a few words. Counting to ten before you comment about your husband’s friends or tendency to work late can help you.
3. Reflect on it.
So, your husband’s tendency to ramble when you two are out socializing can be a little annoying to everyone. But before you whisper to him, “Can you stop talking now?” take a second to think.
Reflect on why this is bothering you. Does his behavior remind you of your dad or old boyfriend, who never let you get a word in edgewise? Are you too worried about what others think and, therefore, you want to micro-manage your husband’s chatter so you’re not thought poorly of? This skill can be used in any situation. If your husband is snapping at you and you want to snap back, reflect on why he’s snapping at you.
What is the bigger picture? Where do your feelings start to muddy up what’s happening or obscure why your husband might be behaving poorly or being annoying?
This doesn’t mean you give him a round of applause when he’s a jerk, but that you reflect on what his behavior is triggering in you and what triggered his behavior. Maybe you hurt his feelings this morning or his boss gave him a hard time. Maybe he chatters on like he’s on cocaine at social events because he’s nervous. Maybe you’re upset that he’s talking so much because you feel you don’t have much to add to the conversation.