Assuming you want to change them, that is.
Everyone says you can’t get your partner to change, nor should you try. You have to accept him or her, flaws and all.
While it’s fundamentally true that you can’t learn how to change your partner (as he has to want to change himself) there are ways to influence someone else’s behavior. These 5 easy steps not only increase the likelihood of behavioral change, they often bring couples closer together.
1. Understand what’s causing the lack of change.
Behavioral patterns are very rarely end-games in and of themselves. There’s usually something deeper sparking the drive to act in the same way over and over again.
For example, if your boyfriend parties every night — staying up late and drinking lots of alcohol to his own detriment — there’s something more to this than him simply being “immature.” Telling him to “grow up” will not compel him to change and, even worse, it’ll likely drive the two of you apart.
Instead, ask him what he’s getting out of partying. Are you doing it to relax? To relieve some anxiety? To avoid responsibility? Try to come from a place of really trying to understand the drive behind the behavior before you even attempt to change it.