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If You Expect Your Relationship To Be Fair, You’re Doomed —​ Here’s Why

Modern relationships are more equal than ever—and that’s a wonderful thing.

Men no longer have the sole burden of being the breadwinner, and women are no longer the sole masters of the domestic.

But with that comes a challenging expectation: the notion that every task and responsibility should be divided half-and-half.

You probably think, like most people, that for a marriage to work, things must be 50-50, and everything to be fair and balanced all the time.

Not only doesn’t that work — it is not the best way to create and maintain a successful relationship.

Here are 4 reasons why expecting fairness will ruin your marriage or long-term relationship:


1. Measuring your contribution against your partner’s based on how you would do the task pits you against them.

With this measurement, your partner will almost always come up short, leading to a sense of disappointment or even conflict.

For example, if you have very distinct standards about how the dishes should be loaded into the dishwasher or how the laundry should be folded.

When these ideas are different than your partner’s, you may feel like he or she is doing it “wrong” — leading your partner to react defensively.

And then there may even be a fight.

Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?

That’s the choice.


2. The expectation of a relationship being equal or 50-50 gets in the way of being flexible.

Without flexibility and openness, new and creative solutions cannot be accomplished.

On top of that, trying to keep things totally 50-50 blocks at least one partner’s willingness to jump in and contribute to the relationship when needed.

Circumstances change continually in a relationship, and you may not be realistic about where you and your partner are in your life at the moment.

For example, when you are expecting a baby, you can’t be 50-50 about being pregnant!

Each person has their unique contribution to make.

If you are the expectant father, your wife is carrying the baby, and you carry the groceries!

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