Recall those early days of your relationship when your partner could not get enough of you. He or she would call constantly, stay on the phone for hours, talk with you all night.
Now time has passed, and you no longer get butterflies in your tummy when you think of your sweetheart. The spark is gone. You still have romantic feelings for him or her. But you sense that he or she no longer cares about the relationship — or at least doesn’t care as much as you do. You no longer have the upper hand.
It is natural to feel anxious and sad when this happens. Your anguish may lead you to attempt to use various mind-manipulating tactics to get the upper hand in your relationship.
Playing games to gain or regain the power in a relationship is bound to lead to the demise of the relationship, however. There are many relationships where one person holds more power than his or her other but these types of relationships tend to be extremely unhealthy. Physically or verbally abusive relationships, relationships where one partner is cheating, relationships where one partner has a lot more assets than the other (assets that are not common property) are bound to fail or lead to heartbreak and unhappiness.
If you feel your partner is pulling away, the way to go is not attempting to gain or regain the power in your relationship. Power doesn’t give you what you want. What you really want is to be loved, not to have the upper hand. You want your love to be reciprocated. You want praise, admiration, respect and love. Your negative feelings about your relationship stem from a perceived lack of those features.
How do you get all that back? How do you act in ways that can make you win back your partner’s love? Here’s how to save your relationship in 5 steps.
1. Make up for your past sins.
If you cheated on your partner, you do not have the upper hand, nor should you try to gain power on those grounds. If you cheated on your partner, you need to act genuinely apologetic and accept that your partner may not trust you or love you the way he or she used to trust you and love you.
The only thing you can do in this situation (assuming you have cut the connection with the other person and have sincerely expressed your regrets to your partner) is to show how much you love your partner every single day. Assuming you don’t commit other infidelities and that you are still with your partner, he or she will likely eventually return to normal and start loving and trusting you.
2. Let go a little.
If you feel you lost power in your relationship, it may be because you have been too eager to spend time with your significant other or to push the relationship forward. You can’t rush things, and hopefully, your relationship is not the only passion in your life. Spend more time on your other interests (for instance, sports, hobbies, school, work). Give your partner the space he or she needs.