If you cannot say “No” to a person who is not right for you, the following may be why your relationships don’t last:
1. You mix up two biological processes.
Your genetic instructions have you searching for a partner. However, you also have genetic instructions to be promiscuous. Humans are highly complex. Pair-bonding makes for better ability to survive in the world. Promiscuity makes more babies so the species can survive.
When you are first getting acquainted with someone you are attracted to in both ways, The amygdala — the brain’s fear alert system — and the anterior cingulate — the brain’s worrying and critical thinking system — are turned way down when the love circuits are running full blast.”
Not knowing how to say “No” when you are in danger is a relationship killer.
2. You confuse your true desires with wishful thinking.
This allows movement toward expected pleasure and away from non-pleasure (or pain). You can confuse your true desires with the desire to follow the impulses of your wishful thinking about a hoped-for pleasure. Any awareness of problems gets steamrolled under the belief you will be living happily ever after.
3. You have TOO clear of a sense of what you want to feel with a partner.
You may know that your current partner does not fit in with all of that sense of what you want. This is where you need to know what you don’t know about them. You do not know if they will change and get better. If they do chang e,you can start to trust them then.
The most important skill a healthy person has in relationship development is to not trust the person they like until they truly know they feel trust.