Are you tired of coming off too strong to women? Do you want to learn how much attention is the right amount of attention that builds attraction and doesn’t kill it?
Smothering someone with attention and affection is something that both men and women struggle with. The best way to increase attraction is not to smother your crush, but to give her some space to come to you.
So I’ve put together some reasons why giving a woman too much attention backfires and some solutions to these problems.
Before we begin, let’s look at a scenario that happened to a recent female client of mine, Lisa.
Lisa matched with a man named Travis on Bumble. They exchanged a couple messages over the app then moved to texting. They agreed to meet up at a local pub to have a few beers for their first meeting.
Lisa had a great time. She was attracted to how accomplished he was at the age of only twenty-six and how outdoorsy he was. As a Nursing student, Lisa was generally confined indoors studying, so his “outdoorsyness” was a huge turn on for her. All seemed to be going very well… until her space was invaded.
Over the course of the next few days, Lisa was busy with school and work. Only two short days after their initial meeting, Travis had texted Lisa 6 times in the matter of 3 hours, which just so happened to be the time frame that Lisa had a 3-hour lecture and obviously couldn’t text him back.
In addition to the 6 text messages, Travis had also tagged her in not 1, not 2, not 3, but 5 Instagram memes, all of which referenced a man and woman being boyfriend and girlfriend.
Lisa, who had been single for about a year at this point, was so overwhelmed and turned off. It’s like Travis missed a huge step in the courting period. He missed the wooing and wondering what the other person was doing and the anticipation of whether or not they liked each other, which is a huge part in building that initial attraction in a relationship.
The takeaway from this is that while Travis was probably a great guy with good intentions, Lisa felt overwhelmed and suffocated by the attention she was receiving from him from so early on in their relationship.
The moral of this story is that giving a woman too much attention at the beginning of any new relationship kills the attraction.
Here are some solutions to use when this happens.
1. Give her space to miss you.
Our first solution to avoid killing attraction is to give a girl space to miss you and space for her feelings to catch up to yours.
At the beginning of any relationship or just getting to know someone, it’s important to optimize on building attraction.
Avoid being in a situation like Travis’s where Lisa had to eventually let him down gently and in doing so, lied about the reasons why she could no longer see him.
So to avoid recreating a situation like that, give your crush some space. Give her space and time to come to you. If a girl has to put in some effort to be with you, she won’t take you for granted and think of you as creepy, desperate or needy. All things you want to avoid when dating.
If she, too, has to work for your time and attention, she will value you more. People cherish what they’ve had to work for as opposed to things that they are freely given.